Yes, Scrum Sucks, tell us your story

Yes Scrum sucks. But it feels good to get the word out. Feel free to take a look at the many postings on this blog in relation to this subject, and post your own thoughts and comments on just how much and why Scrum Sucks.

If you are new to this blog, you should probably start here:

Scrum Master Jar Jar

Software Maestro

Posted in Agile, Scrum, Thoughts about Agile/XP/SCRUM/Patterns | Tagged , , , , , | 15 Comments

Introducing Levitation to your Agile Team

As I demonstrated before, teams that levitate are 4x as productive as teams that don’t.

Your competitors are levitating…how can you bring your team up to speed?

Here are some suggestions to get your team levitating as quickly as possible.

Continue reading

Posted in .NET, Agile, C#, Humor, Humour, Scrum, Thoughts about Agile/XP/SCRUM/Patterns | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

That Hope-y, Change-y, Scrum-y thing

“Embrace Change”. You’ve heard that before?

What is the change and why are we embracing it?

Is it just change for the sake of change?

If we go from eating Cheeseburgers to Pizza will we really be healthier? Probably not?

If you go from Java to C# should you have a 75% chance of failure, like Scrum, require the highest levels of commitment and change at all levels of your organization, like Scrum requires, just for the sake of a little change?

What if the change brings no benefit? Who claims that it will and has evidence that it will work in your organization?

These Scrum zealots think that in order for your little web project at some Fortune 500 company to work, that you have to get buy in and change the management structure of the entire enterprise.

How does that make sense?

Would they do that to adapt Java? Ruby? TFS? SVN? GIT?

It is insanity.

All this is, is  the audacity to assume all people are idiots, and that any change is a positive.

If you work for a company where any change would be a positive, I have one word of advice to you: “Quit”.

If you are a company that is thinking about change, I have one word for you. “Think”.

Scrum isn’t any better of a change than anything else we’ve seen widely hyped but wildly underdelivering lately. They just have a large ministry of propaganda and too many have fallen for it.

The most important thing to consider when embarking on change is “Why are you doing it and what will the benefit be?” If you are going to make a huge effort to change, you should figure out what you are changing and why.

Scrum is not the answer. If you change to Scrum you will be certainly changing to something else as soon as you realize it has only shifted, not solved, any longstanding issues. Of course the Zealots want you to wait 2+ years to make that decision, based on Shu-Ha-Ri… Sure ;)

Find the problem and fix it. Don’t buy fad diets.

Software Maestro

Posted in Agile, C#, Java, Scrum, Thoughts about Agile/XP/SCRUM/Patterns, XP | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Scrum Censorship, Brainwashing and Propaganda

One thing that has always bothered me greatly about the Scrum and XP community is that although they posit that they believe in introspection, adaptation and “agile manifesto” values (eg, People over Process), many members of this community limit this to everything OUTSIDE of the methodology itself.

In other words you can question your customer, question your developers, but you CANNOT question Scrum or Agile itself.

This seems blatantly hypocritical.

More distressing are posts like this one, and there have been many others in the past, about various posters, including many “luminaries” being banned from the scrum mailing list. Although many of these people were reinstated, the message is clear….question us, question scrum, and you will be banned.

For many people who are CSM’s etc, that is threatening them with their lifeblood.

So here we have a situation where if you deviate from any practice sent from “on high”, you have a “Scrumbut”. “You’re not really doing XP”.

You can’t adapt the process to your organization, the message is often sounded, you have to adopt your organization to the process.

And if you question anything, you have a good chance of being “excommunicated”.

It seems to me the reason for this is merely to promote the adoption of this feeble process, and to sell as much “product” as possible while not mucking with the overly simplistic and prescriptive methodology lest it interfere with the gravy train.

And why do software engineers, who are supposedly rational put up with this nonsense?

It’s time for people to wake up and realize this is all about Post-It’s and Daily Meetings posing as the next great thing.

Question the value of Scrum or it’s practices? You can wind up being banned and your viewpoint silenced.

When will people wake up?

As far as Brainwashing and Propaganda goes check out this link .

Software Maestro

Posted in Agile, Scrum, Thoughts about Agile/XP/SCRUM/Patterns, XP | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Refusal to do Scrum/XP?

I’m curious how many people are refusing to do Scrum/XP either because the implementation at the shop is either “too by the book” or “not enough by the book” or any other reason?

As a developer have you refused to work in a particular shop because of their Scrum/XP implementation?

As a hiring company have you found engineers that have refused to come onboard because of the Scrum/XP process in use?

Tell us your story!

Software Maestro

Posted in Agile, Scrum, Thoughts about Agile/XP/SCRUM/Patterns | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Scrum blog or Infomercial?

There seem to be two types of scrum blogs out there:

1) Belongs to a CSM, CST, or Consultancy, or someone who is working towards their CSM etc.

These are invariably glowing praises of scrum, filled with exhortations to follow the party line and “Scrum Harder”

2) Belongs to a relatively neutral actual Scrum user or manager.

These generally talk about how they adopted Scrum to fit the organization, not the other way around, and typically are less positive about Scrum as a whole.

Generally it seems like 95% of the postings fit in Category 1, and the minority are Category 2.

In other words, almost ALL of the positive reports of Scrum, are Infomercials, NOT actual news.

This is nothing more than a MLM campaign, to try to extract money from the marketplace, regardless of whether Scrum is good or bad. They are essentially shills.

Next time you read a scrum blog, check out what profit motive/bias the author brings to the table.

Nearly all of the endless hype about Scrum is merely from those looking to line their pockets from this “trendy” methodology.

Software Maestro

Posted in Agile, Scrum, Thoughts about Agile/XP/SCRUM/Patterns | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Scrum and Levitation

Scrum Teams that Levitate are 4x as productive as their “landfall” counterparts.

Imagine the productivity gains of zipping to meetings without having to walk , the relaxation of floating a few feet about the ground on a pillow of air, compared to sitting in one of those cheap office chairs from Staples.

Levitation is hard and it requires a total commitment from the highest levels of your organization. It is disruptive and may take years to achieve.  But Levitation works; I have seen it myself.

So I am proud to say that I am now offering two classes related to Levitation.

CLM — Certified Levitation Master.  The CLM Certificate is a 2 day class that teaches the basics of levitation. Although it is nice if one is able to levitate after this course, it is unlikely that will occur. However, you will still get your Certificate, as long as your payment of $1500 clears the bank without any issues.

CLT — Certified Levitation Trainer. The CLT allows the individual to grant CLM Certificate titles to others. The CLT requires a payment of $3500, as well as proof of activism promoting the CLM/CLT Certificates and the benefits of Levitation in general for at least a 1 year period on popular blogging websites.  It is OK if the Candidate has not been able to Levitate, so long as they have demonstrated their ability to steer Candidates (and therefore payments) to the Levitation Alliance and/or Levitation.Org.

Stop being landfall! Levitate today! All major Credit Cards accepted. Call now!

Posted in Agile, Humor, Humour, Scrum, Thoughts about Agile/XP/SCRUM/Patterns | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments