Scrum replaces the Pointy Haired Boss with Scrum Master Jar Jar
Despite all the mystique, the “Scrum” meeting itself is nothing more than a Stand Up Weekly Staff Meeting. Except Daily.
And you thought being a Stormtrooper was hard. Let’s tune in now as the Scrum Master Jar Jar asks the 3 questions.
Scrum Master Jar Jar: “Meesah wanna know, What did yousa do yesterday?”
Hog: “I ran around in circles trying to accomplish a user story and then I gave up because the tests failed and the code smelled like a bantha.”
Scrum Master Jar Jar: “Meesah wanna know, What will yousa do tomorrow?”
Hog: “I will start fresh and try running a different direction this time and also try to pair with a more intelligent hog.”
Scrum Master Jar Jar: “Meesah say, Muy Muy Excellent! And is anything impeding yousa progress?”
Hog: “Well, the fact that I’m running around like a roomba, using XP seems like an impediment.
All of these Scrum meetings seem to be use a lot of valuable time, that I could use to discuss issues with my team members directly. I feel if we had more serious meetings to talk about the interfaces and dataflow that would be helpful.
Also I think having a concrete specification and tangible goals would be handy.
Why do we even have these Scrums in person? Any simple webform-protocol droid could ask us these questions and we could fill in the answers.
I don’t see why it takes a Scrum Master to do that. And it would save 2.5 hours per person per week! That’s 22.5 man hours among our 7 person team per week! Surely there is something more productive than listening to each person give 1 minute answers to 3 simple questions?
How much information can you really get in 1 minute of speech that you couldn’t get out of a 2 line email?
And for $1700 I think we could have gotten a ping pong table and a beer cooler. If we played pingpong 30 minutes a day, we’d be more effective programmers. ”
Scrum Master Jar Jar: “Meesah say, we too busy sprinting to discuss such things. Scrum is Hard. We appreciate yousa sacrifice. Stay the course.”
Hog: (kneels) “Yes, My Master.”