Scrum Master Certifications – Certified Crystal Healer?

Isn’t a Certified Scrum Master sort of like a Certified Crystal Healer or Witch Doctor?

Scrum WitchDoctor

Certified by what recognized academic authority? To do what? And what’s with the part Zen, part Star Wars, and part cereal box sounding religious term “Master”? It sounds like something from a Sri Sri Bhagwan Rajneeshi revival.

But hey, after you fork over your $1700,  to learn how to manage a To Do List (the backlog), call iterations “Sprints” and have daily staff meetings (scrums), things you can probably do already, you can then tell everyone you’re a “Master”, how cool is that?

 The Certified Scrum Trainer Ponders his next Rolls

A Master at being a sucker, I guess, but with a fool being born a minute, the companies offering such dubious “Certifications” are probably rolling in the dough.

They probably tell everyone that it’s Dagobah and fill them with Kool Aid.

Interestingly, like the TM movement or other sects, the Cheif Lord can then annoint “Certified Scrum Trainers”, in a sort of pyramidal scheme. How convenient.  Create a “religion” and then sell “Master” titles for $1700/pop.  Why didn’t the Scientologists think of that?

For that much money I hope the Master gets to go home with an E-meter, a skateboard, and a goatee.

If you attend a refresher course they probably hand out a map to where to find the Fountain of Youth, the Tooth Fairy, and plans for a Cold Fusion device.

I think a lot of people out there trying to become a “Scrum Master” would be better off spending their time at UFO festivals and hunting down the Loch Ness Monster than spending a wad of dough to learn how to work on a todo list and ask everyone 3 simple questions each day, under the false guise that that is somehow a “management process”.

About Software Maestro

Long time OOP Software Architect
This entry was posted in Agile, C#, Funny, Humor, Humour, Java, Ruby, Scrum, Smalltalk, Software, Software Development, Thoughts about Agile/XP/SCRUM/Patterns, XP. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Scrum Master Certifications – Certified Crystal Healer?

  1. Pingback: JEDI » Blog Archive » links for 2007-07-04

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